Entry Thirty-Seven

Being a part of the health-providing world is quite the experience.  Everything I'd hoped it would be (stimulating, difficult, rewarding), but it's also plenty of things I did not anticipate.

The first two years of medical school were mostly just studying books, lectures, and sometimes pictures.  I remember thinking to myself, "This feels so selfish, spending all my time on learning."  And it did.  I was building up my very own kingdom of knowledge, equipping myself for battle with exams and polishing my armor to look good between fights.  It has taken me building for somebody else's kingdom for me to realize how wrong I was...

My education is still one of my kingdoms, but now I'm a consistent participant in patient care, which is a kingdom that belongs entirely to the attending (boss-man) physician.  He/she is the word of law in the hospital, and rightfully so since they are the wisest and if anything goes wrong it's ultimately their heads on the chopping block.  But it is more than just patient care.  It's me too.  As the student, I see patients when they tell me to see patients, I read about what they tell me to read, I speak when they tell me to speak, and shutting up is the same way.  By way of example, I was working in trauma surgery this week and in the call room eating dinner with the rest of my team.  With no more chairs in the main sitting area, I ducked into one of the bunk rooms and grabbed an extra chair, not really registering that it was the Chief's bunk room.  Let's just say, entering the Chief's room without explicit permission is not a good idea.  Their kingdom.  Their rules.

Working in someone else's kingdom is not so easy.  And I'm all for patient safety, care quality control, etc.  Obviously a hierarchy  is necessary and this is probably not new news to anyone working in the "working" world.  Everyone has a boss.  But I hadn't really... until now.

So, how to deal?  Here's what I'm going with: render to Caesar what is Caesar's and render to God what is God's.  (see Matthew 22, Mark 12, Luke 20)

The goal is going to be to humbly accept instruction, criticism, teaching, and orders from all of my superiors throughout this training process, without letting any of them define, degrade, or deter me from who I am or what I am about.  Let Caesar be in charge of me by the authority God has given him to control/guide my work/education.  But let God be my reason, my love, my ultimate.