SEMESTER ONE OF MEDICAL SCHOOL: CHECK!!!
I don't think that I have ever felt like I earned a Christmas break more. Although it really wasn't as bad as they said it would be. So to summarize/reflect a bit on the past 4 months, here are a list of random thoughts that more or less hit the high points:
1) God is absolutely larger and more complex than I ever picture in my mind. I constantly forget that I have so much more to learn about him and his character. I pretend like he is so predictable sometimes because I know what he thinks is "right" and "wrong" but he is so far from predictable. My future is in the hands of a God who can do infinitely more than I can hope or imagine and he is going to be able to write my future so much better than I ever will.
2) I am still a much lazier, less disciplined person than I wish I was... is that EVER going to improve?
3) The human body is a fascinating place!
4) Working out is a fantastic stress reliever, which means I end up working out more during test weeks, not less.
5) Everyone should take time (a year) off before starting medical school and live in another country. The random things that such an experience prepares you for is just unbelievable! And the number of things you learn without realizing it, also incredible.
6) Anatomy professors can be some of the funniest people in the world... I suppose you have to have a pretty good sense of humor to spend so much of your time dissecting cadavers. And if you do it for long enough you can collect a quite extensive reserve of jokes to use for any given lab.
I can't wait to be a doctor :-)
15 December 2011
Entry Twenty-Five
Okay, so I never wanted to be one of those people that had a blog and never updated it, but can you really blame me? There's more to learn about the human body than I really thought possible and that takes a lot of time... what's really crazy is to think that we're really only scratching the surface, even by the time we graduate here in 3 1/2 years.
Anyhow, the belated birthday story....
So I turned 23 in November and of course, having been friends with the other 1st year med students for 3 months at that point, they figured out that I turn bright red really easily when I get embarrassed. The goal, therefore, became how to embarrass me as much as possible on my special day. The end result of all the scheming was me walking into school on that fateful Thursday morning to this:
Needless to say they succeed in their goal... or more precisely one Mr. Jeff Thurman succeeded in his. But he owed me one because at one point I got him to believe that I not only knew how to ride a unicycle, but owned one that he could come over and try out :-) My roommate made the rest of the day fantastic by having balloons and streams everywhere in the house when I woke up, deserts at school, and a get together complete with Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (raspberry lemon, YUM!) later that evening.
All in all, a fantastic day. And for the record, yes I did study some too like any good med student. I learned all the innervation to the forearm, which came in handy on today's anatomy final.
Anyhow, the belated birthday story....
So I turned 23 in November and of course, having been friends with the other 1st year med students for 3 months at that point, they figured out that I turn bright red really easily when I get embarrassed. The goal, therefore, became how to embarrass me as much as possible on my special day. The end result of all the scheming was me walking into school on that fateful Thursday morning to this:
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| Jeff's "I'm so proud of myself" face |
All in all, a fantastic day. And for the record, yes I did study some too like any good med student. I learned all the innervation to the forearm, which came in handy on today's anatomy final.
14 November 2011
Entry Twenty-four
No better way to spend time between tests than on catching up a blog. I've been a total slacker about it the past couple weeks, but with good reason: preparation for my embryo midterm and head/neck anatomy exams today. We're definitely not in Kansas anymore.
During preparation for these exams, however, some cool stuff has happened On Thursday night we took a break from studying to go to a Professional's Dinner that the Christian Medical and Dental Asso had invited us to. The presentation was about a surgical training program in Africa called PAACS that is trying to put a dent in the huge need for surgeons across the continent. I wish I could explain the kind of encouragement it was to me... it reminded me to dream a little, let my imagination go a little crazy with all the cool things God might let me do with my medical training. The speaker/CEO of PAACS, Dr. Bruce Steffes, kept reminding us that it is God's work, not ours. He (nor any of us) have anything that the Lord needs. He is going to accomplish his purposes and let us join the ride if we're obedient. Such a good reminder, but man was it hard to go stare at an anatomy book after that! But first things first, I can't train Africa surgeons until I become one myself :-)
Second cool thing, second major study break: shadowing in labor and delivery on Saturday. I witnessed surgeries for the first time (sounds cool to some of you, but many of my classmates have seen dozens and it makes me feel way lame for thinking this one was so neat). The two surgeries were a tubal ligation and a c-section, and I hope that I never lose the wonder as a doctor of seeing an infant's first breath. That was just too cool.
So now that I've finished this round of tests (and there's only one round left until semester one is done! gasp!), it's time to start working Spanish studying into the schedule. (I did mention I'm going back to Honduras next summer right?!) So much to do and so little time. But there are no elephant-swallowers here, 'cause God's gonna make it happen his way and I'm just along for the ride!
I LOVE being along for this ride!
During preparation for these exams, however, some cool stuff has happened On Thursday night we took a break from studying to go to a Professional's Dinner that the Christian Medical and Dental Asso had invited us to. The presentation was about a surgical training program in Africa called PAACS that is trying to put a dent in the huge need for surgeons across the continent. I wish I could explain the kind of encouragement it was to me... it reminded me to dream a little, let my imagination go a little crazy with all the cool things God might let me do with my medical training. The speaker/CEO of PAACS, Dr. Bruce Steffes, kept reminding us that it is God's work, not ours. He (nor any of us) have anything that the Lord needs. He is going to accomplish his purposes and let us join the ride if we're obedient. Such a good reminder, but man was it hard to go stare at an anatomy book after that! But first things first, I can't train Africa surgeons until I become one myself :-)
Second cool thing, second major study break: shadowing in labor and delivery on Saturday. I witnessed surgeries for the first time (sounds cool to some of you, but many of my classmates have seen dozens and it makes me feel way lame for thinking this one was so neat). The two surgeries were a tubal ligation and a c-section, and I hope that I never lose the wonder as a doctor of seeing an infant's first breath. That was just too cool.
So now that I've finished this round of tests (and there's only one round left until semester one is done! gasp!), it's time to start working Spanish studying into the schedule. (I did mention I'm going back to Honduras next summer right?!) So much to do and so little time. But there are no elephant-swallowers here, 'cause God's gonna make it happen his way and I'm just along for the ride!
I LOVE being along for this ride!
30 October 2011
Entry Twenty-Three
Humility... It's a lot harder than I've thought in the past. Especially in a world of ladder-climbers and one-uppers, it is not easy to resist getting caught up in that competition (and especially for someone who, whether she will admit it or not, likes to compete).
I owe Christ my life. It's as simple as that, but I make it so much more complicated. Whether it's my free time, study time, good days, or hard days, I owe it all to the service of my Lord. That's not an easy thing to keep in mind. The crowds around me live for #1, and therefore, so do I. It's so much more natural. I've been doing it all my life. I like orchestrating my life around me and around what's going to get me where I want to go. But I've already got all that I need and more than I could ever want if I would just turn fully toward Christ. There are other things I desire, but nothing that could compare. So why am I trying to get anywhere else? in life? in a career? If it isn't for other people, if it isn't for grace, if it isn't for the love of my God, then there is no point.
Why is it so hard to just be humble and obey? Humility says that it doesn't matter where I end up on the ladder as long as I helped someone get higher. Humility says that my time and grades and success isn't as important as yours. And humility is only possible if you have a genuine understanding of who you are compared to God and compared to others. Humility happens when you are forced to wear a sign on your forehead that says, "I NEEDED grace because I am only a failure without it." Humility happens when you remember where you came from and where grace has brought you. Humility happens when your identity is found in Christ, where you will always be the saved not the Savior.
Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name, Amen.
I owe Christ my life. It's as simple as that, but I make it so much more complicated. Whether it's my free time, study time, good days, or hard days, I owe it all to the service of my Lord. That's not an easy thing to keep in mind. The crowds around me live for #1, and therefore, so do I. It's so much more natural. I've been doing it all my life. I like orchestrating my life around me and around what's going to get me where I want to go. But I've already got all that I need and more than I could ever want if I would just turn fully toward Christ. There are other things I desire, but nothing that could compare. So why am I trying to get anywhere else? in life? in a career? If it isn't for other people, if it isn't for grace, if it isn't for the love of my God, then there is no point.
Why is it so hard to just be humble and obey? Humility says that it doesn't matter where I end up on the ladder as long as I helped someone get higher. Humility says that my time and grades and success isn't as important as yours. And humility is only possible if you have a genuine understanding of who you are compared to God and compared to others. Humility happens when you are forced to wear a sign on your forehead that says, "I NEEDED grace because I am only a failure without it." Humility happens when you remember where you came from and where grace has brought you. Humility happens when your identity is found in Christ, where you will always be the saved not the Savior.
Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name, Amen.
26 October 2011
Entry Twenty-Two
Since it's been FORVER since I've written anything, here's the quick catch up:
- Two weeks ago we finished our first class (no more histology!!!) and picked up to more classes (neuroscience and embryology)
- We had a highly successful first cook out at the house with bran new fire pit
- Jenna and I went to WKU's homecoming (had a good time besides the constant comparisons she kept making between WKU and Florida)
- And the biggest news of all: I interviewed for and was accepted into a 2nd year elective rotation in Honduras!!!
Allow me to explain what that means: as soon as classes end in May, I'll be off to Honduras again for a month to rotate in a hospital in El Progreso (not sure what specialty yet) where I'll be learning some basic medical procedures and practicing medical Spanish. Here's the kicker: I'm supposed to be fluent in Spanish before I go... That means a lot more self-discipline to study not only for classes but Spanish as well. I will be going with 3 other students from my class, 2 of whom I know and respect a lot, 1 who I don't really know.
Even though we've finished 9 weeks of school so far, I still have a hard time convincing myself I'm going to actually be a doctor at the end of all this. We learned about central lines last week. The first procedural thing we've really learned about yet, and I couldn't help but think to myself, "Really? really, Ashley? You think you are going to be able to stick a needle in someones neck and set one of these up?" Even though we're in medical school, really doctoring still seems really far away. My hope is that this rotation next summer will start to bridge that gap for me.
Final random thought: why did God make the nervous system so darn complicated? Obviously it is a beautifully complex system and according to Dr. Ho, it's to make life difficult for medical students. All I want to know is why God couldn't have chosen to make this particular system beautiful in a simple way?!
- Two weeks ago we finished our first class (no more histology!!!) and picked up to more classes (neuroscience and embryology)
- We had a highly successful first cook out at the house with bran new fire pit
- Jenna and I went to WKU's homecoming (had a good time besides the constant comparisons she kept making between WKU and Florida)
- And the biggest news of all: I interviewed for and was accepted into a 2nd year elective rotation in Honduras!!!
Allow me to explain what that means: as soon as classes end in May, I'll be off to Honduras again for a month to rotate in a hospital in El Progreso (not sure what specialty yet) where I'll be learning some basic medical procedures and practicing medical Spanish. Here's the kicker: I'm supposed to be fluent in Spanish before I go... That means a lot more self-discipline to study not only for classes but Spanish as well. I will be going with 3 other students from my class, 2 of whom I know and respect a lot, 1 who I don't really know.
Even though we've finished 9 weeks of school so far, I still have a hard time convincing myself I'm going to actually be a doctor at the end of all this. We learned about central lines last week. The first procedural thing we've really learned about yet, and I couldn't help but think to myself, "Really? really, Ashley? You think you are going to be able to stick a needle in someones neck and set one of these up?" Even though we're in medical school, really doctoring still seems really far away. My hope is that this rotation next summer will start to bridge that gap for me.
Final random thought: why did God make the nervous system so darn complicated? Obviously it is a beautifully complex system and according to Dr. Ho, it's to make life difficult for medical students. All I want to know is why God couldn't have chosen to make this particular system beautiful in a simple way?!
08 October 2011
Entry Twenty One
Saturday was fun, but a little bitter sweet because I spent it saying goodbye to my precious sister in Christ, Emily before she left for Kenya for two years on mission.
Later that night I was "observing" for a few hours in the U of L EPS (emergency psychiatry services), which could've been really interesting, but we were actually only observing football on the break room TV for the first 2 hours because there were no patients. The residents decided that since it was the 1st of the month, most of the druggies they usually see come through probably got their checks and were out buying and using. Sad but possibly true...
The weekend wrapped up with the first annual college cup (aka Harry Potter/field day for med school). Our class itself is divided into 6 colleges that compete against each other in everything from tug o' war to cooking. Gross college (mine!) only came in third over all (with 285 pts, behind the 1st and 2nd place colleges with 290, SO CLOSE!) But the important thing is that we dominated the ulitmate frisbee field :-D
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| Brittny, Me, Jenna (with the Gator Glasses), and Tess |
So that was LAST weekend. This weekend its all business with a Histology final and our second Gross Anatomy test coming up next week. Two things to get excited about once those two are behind us:
(1) no more Histology! and (2) no more pelvis and perineum! (look it up if you don't know).
God has been so good to have given me so many fun things and people in my med school life so far. I can't help but wish I was better at turning around and blessing others just as well. By the grace of God, maybe I'll learn to. But for now I just want to remember that it isn't about the blessings themselves, it's about the God who gives them.
28 September 2011
Entry Twenty
"Of this I am convinced, You my God are greater still." (The Greatness of Our God - Hillsong)
I want to be convinced of that. If I let myself sit a contemplate the glorious things he is and has done its not hard. But I need those moments to sit and contemplate.
And how unspeakably incredible is it that we have a God that is greater still? Greater than what I think of when the word "God" comes up. Greater than I've ever thought possible. Greater than my heart and my sin. Greater still than anything we know.
He has saved me from myself and from the pit of this world. Like one pastor put it recently (did I mention this in a previous post?) he swam to the bottom of the ocean to pull out this dying, decaying corpse and breathe new life into it. He sacrificed his Son he cared about us so much. He is infinitely holy and higher than all the great men that have ever walked the earth. He's healed, saved, fixed, judged, disciplined, chosen, rebuked, instructed, raised up, conquered, and loved.
And he is greater still.
I want to be convinced of that. If I let myself sit a contemplate the glorious things he is and has done its not hard. But I need those moments to sit and contemplate.
And how unspeakably incredible is it that we have a God that is greater still? Greater than what I think of when the word "God" comes up. Greater than I've ever thought possible. Greater than my heart and my sin. Greater still than anything we know.
He has saved me from myself and from the pit of this world. Like one pastor put it recently (did I mention this in a previous post?) he swam to the bottom of the ocean to pull out this dying, decaying corpse and breathe new life into it. He sacrificed his Son he cared about us so much. He is infinitely holy and higher than all the great men that have ever walked the earth. He's healed, saved, fixed, judged, disciplined, chosen, rebuked, instructed, raised up, conquered, and loved.
And he is greater still.
26 September 2011
Entry Nineteen
Red River Gorge = perfect place to take a day off and chillax with some fantastic people... and get some wilderness first aid experience?
It started out as a gorgeous day in the mid 60s, sunny and perfectly without school.
Everyone happily climbing on rocks and NOT thinking about Gross Anatomy.
All until we saw this...
And then one of the guys got bit by this...
Baby copperhead according the ER doc. The hero of the story really being the iPhone that got a picture of the snake, sent it to the ER, and had the docs ready with anti-venum 30 min before we ever got there. It felt a little like a Duracell-battery style iPhone commercial (you know the "when it really matters, the professionals trust...") But the guy is fine now, still swollen but no anti-venum was required. And in case anyone was in doubt, yes, KY really does have lots of snakes.
22 September 2011
Side Note
Doesn't this just make you want to get out there and do something to help this suffering world?
CNN Heroes 2011
CNN Heroes 2011
Entry Eighteen
I LOVE fall and am SO excited to have one this year (Honduras doesn't have one, which was fun when trying to teach my 6th graders about the seasons). And one of the best parts? Family :-) We had our biannual Mefford family reunion this past weekend and on top of that I got to have dinner with some fantastic friends. It was all in all a much needed break and a lovely weekend. (And in THREE days we're headed to the Gorge!)
Here are some pics from the gathering (all are on FB too):
It will be officially fall tomorrow and once I get my first pumpkin spice latte everything will be lovely!
Here are some pics from the gathering (all are on FB too):
It will be officially fall tomorrow and once I get my first pumpkin spice latte everything will be lovely!
19 September 2011
Entry Seventeen
Are you going on with Jesus? The way goes through Gethsemane, through the city gate, and on “outside the camp” (Hebrews 13:13). The way is lonely and goes on until there is no longer even a trace of a footprint to follow— but only the voice saying, “Follow me.” (Matthew 4:19) - Oswald Chambers
Only a voice. Saying "follow me." Sometimes that's all we get. That and a faith that believes Romans 5:17. A faith that believes that through Christ righteousness will reign so much more than sin, in the life of someone who his resurrected with him. I don't tend to think of righteousness that way. I tend to think of it as a harder find, a harder victory than sin. That's a lie. It is Christ who was completely and ultimately victorious. "Oh death where is your sting?" There is no condemnation anymore. Sin is not gone from this world, that will come in time, but for now it is no longer binding those who live by faith.
And with a faith that believes these promises of God and the blood of Christ as a sufficient sacrifice, a simple "follow me" is all we need.
Only a voice. Saying "follow me." Sometimes that's all we get. That and a faith that believes Romans 5:17. A faith that believes that through Christ righteousness will reign so much more than sin, in the life of someone who his resurrected with him. I don't tend to think of righteousness that way. I tend to think of it as a harder find, a harder victory than sin. That's a lie. It is Christ who was completely and ultimately victorious. "Oh death where is your sting?" There is no condemnation anymore. Sin is not gone from this world, that will come in time, but for now it is no longer binding those who live by faith.
And with a faith that believes these promises of God and the blood of Christ as a sufficient sacrifice, a simple "follow me" is all we need.
17 September 2011
Entry Sixteen
Am I doing this for me or for him?
I hate testing motivations. Not only is it not fun because sometimes you just don't want to face the answer, but it can be very hard to tease through the layers to find the true driving factor. But boy does it change the way we live when we really start to examine our motivations.
The only John Piper sermons I have ever listened to focused heavily on this topic: do you worship a God-centered God or a you-centered God? It makes all the difference in the world if you are truly living this out for God, for the glory of God, for the fame of God, for God himself. Or if you are living it out for a God who is all about you, saving you, helping you, glorifying you.
So back to the original question, am I doing this for me or for him? Am I worshiping a God-centered God or a me-centered God?
I think it is very easy to live my life for me without thinking twice about it. All my decisions are selfish simply because I am the only one I consider when making them and generally I'm the only one directly and obviously affected, so it makes sense. It really takes a mental transformation to go from that to "consider others before yourself." Very not natural. I generally live my life for me. And I guess some people make the same mistake living life for a husband or children. But it's just me. So I make my decisions and I live my life for what I know: my needs, desires, aspirations, etc.
But that's boring. Like running on a hamster wheel. Good enough for hamsters, but not me.
So am I doing this for me? Most of the time. But he has justified me and I live by grace, which means I get to live for him despite my sinful tendency to live for me. Isn't it lovely?
I hate testing motivations. Not only is it not fun because sometimes you just don't want to face the answer, but it can be very hard to tease through the layers to find the true driving factor. But boy does it change the way we live when we really start to examine our motivations.
The only John Piper sermons I have ever listened to focused heavily on this topic: do you worship a God-centered God or a you-centered God? It makes all the difference in the world if you are truly living this out for God, for the glory of God, for the fame of God, for God himself. Or if you are living it out for a God who is all about you, saving you, helping you, glorifying you.
So back to the original question, am I doing this for me or for him? Am I worshiping a God-centered God or a me-centered God?
I think it is very easy to live my life for me without thinking twice about it. All my decisions are selfish simply because I am the only one I consider when making them and generally I'm the only one directly and obviously affected, so it makes sense. It really takes a mental transformation to go from that to "consider others before yourself." Very not natural. I generally live my life for me. And I guess some people make the same mistake living life for a husband or children. But it's just me. So I make my decisions and I live my life for what I know: my needs, desires, aspirations, etc.
But that's boring. Like running on a hamster wheel. Good enough for hamsters, but not me.
So am I doing this for me? Most of the time. But he has justified me and I live by grace, which means I get to live for him despite my sinful tendency to live for me. Isn't it lovely?
15 September 2011
Entry Fifteen
My assignment this week for Intro to Clinical Medicine was to write my own version of the Hippocratic Oath that I want to follow in my practice and profession as a physician. There are parts of it that were really straightforward/obvious and parts that were more difficult to tease through. Here's what I finally came up with (points in no particular order):
*I will not do anything to cause my
patients undo harm and exercise conservative judgment when suggesting
treatments that could be harmful to the patient.
*I will strive to understand my
limitations as a practicing physician or student and only operate within my
abilities, referring to others when my knowledge or skills are inadequate to
serve the patient’s needs.
*I will protect all the information
that I acquire about my patients and any information they volunteer to me even
after they have deceased.
*I will treat every patient with the
best of my professional ability and not withhold any treatments on the grounds
of race, religion, nationality, etc.
*I will strive to remember that I do
not treat a wound or a sickness, but I treat a sick human being whose sickness
can have broad-ranged effects on economic stability, family members, etc. I will be aware of surrounding issues and
carefully consider these related issues as well as the sickness itself.
*I will always seek to improve my
patients’ quality of life through caring for their health and preventing
disease before it happens whenever possible.
*I will respect the wishes of my
patients with regards to their healthcare and allow them to define for
themselves what health goals will most readily allow them to experience an
acceptable quality life.
*I will inform my patients to the
best of my ability about their health status, risk factors, and empower them to
make beneficial decisions regarding their healthcare and general welfare.
*I will not knowingly withhold
relevant information from my patients about their health status, health risks,
or other related information.
*I will respect and honor all of the
physicians and scientists that have studied, practiced, and spent time teaching
me to be a physician and subsequently pass on my knowledge and skills to the
generation of new doctors who will follow me.
And suddenly the responsibility of what I'm training to do feels very heavy :-)
14 September 2011
Entry Fourteen
Good news! I survived my first round of exams and I'm still standing. We have decided its really not that much different from undergrad yet, but it's like finals week every week. Obviously that can get a little stressful. So what do med students do the night before the first big exam? Play ultimate Frisbee of course!
We were ready for war.
We didn't know it but we ended up playing the dental school and yes we won :-)
07 September 2011
Entry Thirteen
(My entry titles are going to get very embarrassing if I can't spell numbers correctly :-)
NEWS FLASH: I do not have to be good at everything.
Actually, not so much a news flash but a lesson that's been grilled into my head over and over this past year. One of the things I absolutely had to become okay with in Honduras (see En Vasos de Barro) was not being excellent at things the first time I tried them (like teaching or speaking Spanish). It's silly I know, but I have been pretty used to being pretty "capable" in general. Unfortunately, being used to that feeling makes situations where I have no idea what I'm doing very uncomfortable. God truly humbled my heart in Honduras on this issue, but I still have trouble not stressing out when I have to do something that I don't think I can do perfectly (or at least really well). I just have to keep reminding myself: that's why you are here, to learn. And not to learn things you already know, to learn things you don't know and can't do yet. That is so much of what are Christian life is supposed to be like too. Constantly relying on God's ability when we get thrown into situations we can't handle, or get handed people we don't know how to help. It's just all about the diving part. Time to put on the "sink or swim" mentality. But let's be real, God has already promised not to let us sink. But we're still responsible for jumping.
NEWS FLASH: I do not have to be good at everything.
Actually, not so much a news flash but a lesson that's been grilled into my head over and over this past year. One of the things I absolutely had to become okay with in Honduras (see En Vasos de Barro) was not being excellent at things the first time I tried them (like teaching or speaking Spanish). It's silly I know, but I have been pretty used to being pretty "capable" in general. Unfortunately, being used to that feeling makes situations where I have no idea what I'm doing very uncomfortable. God truly humbled my heart in Honduras on this issue, but I still have trouble not stressing out when I have to do something that I don't think I can do perfectly (or at least really well). I just have to keep reminding myself: that's why you are here, to learn. And not to learn things you already know, to learn things you don't know and can't do yet. That is so much of what are Christian life is supposed to be like too. Constantly relying on God's ability when we get thrown into situations we can't handle, or get handed people we don't know how to help. It's just all about the diving part. Time to put on the "sink or swim" mentality. But let's be real, God has already promised not to let us sink. But we're still responsible for jumping.
05 September 2011
Entry Twelve
Still trying to find a church home in Louisville, I visited Sojourn for the 2nd time with my roomie, Jenna (awesome girl, by the way, I don't know if I've mentioned her but she is a complete God-send of a roommate). The sermon was on the John 10 passage about the Good Shepherd (I can NEVER spell that word right the first time). And the speaker told me some things about sheep that I'd never heard before (and haven't had time to research and verify), but I thought were very funny...
Sheep will wander off from their flock, and without a leader to follow anymore, will continue walking... and walking...
Sheep have been known to eat themselves to death; see good grass, grab, chew, swallow, and repeat.
Sheep freeze or run like crazy if they become startled. If they happen to roll themselves over on their backs by accident and see only sky, they might start air running until they exhaust themselves.
Although it was not the main point of the sermon, I of course couldn't help but think how much sense it makes for the Scriptures to compare us to sheep. We are just so stupid sometimes. I am just so stupid sometimes.
On a different note, my first set of real exams are this Friday and following Monday. Microanatomy and macroanatomy. It still hits me at random times that I'm actually training to be a doctor right now. I cannot believe that in less than 4 years now, I will be trained up to treat patients. Four years used to seem like such a long time. Not so much anymore. But I refuse to say (as so many of my friends already do) "I must be getting old." Just a pet peeve of mine I suppose, but I hate it when I hear 25, 26, 27 year old's say that. There is so much more life ahead of us and I am so excited about all that God is going to continue doing and working out in all of our lives. I'd prefer to just get excited!
Sheep will wander off from their flock, and without a leader to follow anymore, will continue walking... and walking...
Sheep have been known to eat themselves to death; see good grass, grab, chew, swallow, and repeat.
Sheep freeze or run like crazy if they become startled. If they happen to roll themselves over on their backs by accident and see only sky, they might start air running until they exhaust themselves.
Although it was not the main point of the sermon, I of course couldn't help but think how much sense it makes for the Scriptures to compare us to sheep. We are just so stupid sometimes. I am just so stupid sometimes.
On a different note, my first set of real exams are this Friday and following Monday. Microanatomy and macroanatomy. It still hits me at random times that I'm actually training to be a doctor right now. I cannot believe that in less than 4 years now, I will be trained up to treat patients. Four years used to seem like such a long time. Not so much anymore. But I refuse to say (as so many of my friends already do) "I must be getting old." Just a pet peeve of mine I suppose, but I hate it when I hear 25, 26, 27 year old's say that. There is so much more life ahead of us and I am so excited about all that God is going to continue doing and working out in all of our lives. I'd prefer to just get excited!
29 August 2011
Entry Eleven
All I have to say today is this:
God is good.
I miss my family and friends back home a bit,
but I'm really excited about finding a church home here soon and getting involved.
And I am COMPLETELY blessed to have the roommates that I do.
All in all, things are going really well, including my first "quiz" today (from 250 pages of notes & 150+ microscope slides) and I'm excited to be training to be a doc.
And yet, I still hope my appetite is growing so that I'm not satisfied by Earthly accomplishments and happiness, but only by the fullness of God Himself :-)
God is good.
I miss my family and friends back home a bit,
but I'm really excited about finding a church home here soon and getting involved.
And I am COMPLETELY blessed to have the roommates that I do.
All in all, things are going really well, including my first "quiz" today (from 250 pages of notes & 150+ microscope slides) and I'm excited to be training to be a doc.
And yet, I still hope my appetite is growing so that I'm not satisfied by Earthly accomplishments and happiness, but only by the fullness of God Himself :-)
26 August 2011
Side note
If you happen to be like me and wondering about this argument of grace vs. accomplishment for the kingdom (see Entry Nine and comments) here is a wonderful sermon I heard this morning. Still don't have it all figured out, but at least we know that there is a Scriptural way to explore all the questions we have about how we should be living under this new covenant.
Godliness and the Kingdom of Christ
Click on the link, then scroll down to select the correct sermon :-D
Godliness and the Kingdom of Christ
Click on the link, then scroll down to select the correct sermon :-D
25 August 2011
Entry Ten
Pre-reading: 1 Corinthians 15:50-58
What do you feel or think when you let yourself ponder (really ponder) the day of our Lord? Excitement? Longing? Indifference? I confess that my reaction is often times fear. In keeping with the confessions of my last post, I am driven by the desire to accomplish and I have definitely not accomplished enough to be prepared to stand before my Father in heaven. Sinful? yes. Need of a heart change? Absolutely. The hardest part of being a disciple I'm convinced is simply the faith part. We are so sinful and so perverted into being self-centered and self-reliant. Having faith in the blood of Christ and his justification to be enough for us can be a daily struggle. At least it can be for me.
But as the verses talk about without actually using the word "hope," ours can be great as we look forward to inheriting the imperishable. Once we get through the faith part, hope is ours to claim! In all times, all circumstances, and in all confidence.
And finally, what a motivation to continue in the work of the Lord! Faith in his blood, hoping in our inheritance, and knowing that our work in the Lord is not in vain.
What do you feel or think when you let yourself ponder (really ponder) the day of our Lord? Excitement? Longing? Indifference? I confess that my reaction is often times fear. In keeping with the confessions of my last post, I am driven by the desire to accomplish and I have definitely not accomplished enough to be prepared to stand before my Father in heaven. Sinful? yes. Need of a heart change? Absolutely. The hardest part of being a disciple I'm convinced is simply the faith part. We are so sinful and so perverted into being self-centered and self-reliant. Having faith in the blood of Christ and his justification to be enough for us can be a daily struggle. At least it can be for me.
But as the verses talk about without actually using the word "hope," ours can be great as we look forward to inheriting the imperishable. Once we get through the faith part, hope is ours to claim! In all times, all circumstances, and in all confidence.
And finally, what a motivation to continue in the work of the Lord! Faith in his blood, hoping in our inheritance, and knowing that our work in the Lord is not in vain.
23 August 2011
Entry Nine
My biggest fear? Probably, reaching the end of my life and looking back without anything to show for the time I've spent on this lovely, suffering planet. For whatever reason, the past year has impressed upon me the shortness of our time here, which just makes me want to figure out this thing called "life" as fast as I possibly can so no time is wasted. But I am SO good at side-stepping. Good at focusing on the tasks at hand and not on the big picture. Good at not letting myself look too hard at the grand scheme, but live for feeling good at the end of the day.
Here's the real problem: I can distract myself forever with my endeavors in school and medicine without ever coming to terms with the fact there is no point to it all if it isn't glorifying God. I can pursue all the good grades and clinical skills I want, but if the Gospel isn't being spread then I'll still be stuck at the end looking back with nothing to show for my time and efforts. There is only one thing, one accomplishment, one goal that will stand eternally. And it is time to start learning to put more of my stock in it.
Here's the real problem: I can distract myself forever with my endeavors in school and medicine without ever coming to terms with the fact there is no point to it all if it isn't glorifying God. I can pursue all the good grades and clinical skills I want, but if the Gospel isn't being spread then I'll still be stuck at the end looking back with nothing to show for my time and efforts. There is only one thing, one accomplishment, one goal that will stand eternally. And it is time to start learning to put more of my stock in it.
18 August 2011
Entry Eight
Here's what the 1st week of medical school has taught me:
If anyone ever tells you that you're going to have to learn the brachial plexus, be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
If you aren't medically inclined, just know that the brachial plexus is a tangled mess of nerves that runs deep in your armpit and innervates much of your arm and thorax. (And I mean tangled mess)
Other than that, histology lectures have been rather boring and the basics of taking a medical history was interesting, but difficult to "memorize" or "practice." Although we do get to start practicing on what they call "standarized patients" next week, which are essentially actors hired to pretend to be patients at a Doc's office for us. That should be fun :-)
All in all, I've enjoyed myself and refused to get overwhelmed the first week. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt that taking a year off was a BRILLIANT idea.
If anyone ever tells you that you're going to have to learn the brachial plexus, be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
If you aren't medically inclined, just know that the brachial plexus is a tangled mess of nerves that runs deep in your armpit and innervates much of your arm and thorax. (And I mean tangled mess)
Other than that, histology lectures have been rather boring and the basics of taking a medical history was interesting, but difficult to "memorize" or "practice." Although we do get to start practicing on what they call "standarized patients" next week, which are essentially actors hired to pretend to be patients at a Doc's office for us. That should be fun :-)
All in all, I've enjoyed myself and refused to get overwhelmed the first week. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt that taking a year off was a BRILLIANT idea.
17 August 2011
Entry Seven
First week of medical school... I can't believe it's not over yet. It began with a bit of excitement as we lost electricity over the weekend, most likely due to the three large trees that fell over in our street. Amazing what 15 min of 60 mph winds can do really.
As of right now, we've been overloaded with lots of information about what we will eventually have to do to complete the first year curriculum and my mother's encouragement to not try to "eat the elephant whole" comes to mind.
For those who are curious, yes, we have started our cadaver dissections and yes, it's weird but it's fascinating. I will say that I'm glad this particular class only lasts through the first semester. The body is interesting, but it's brute memorization and I'd much rather be trying to figure concepts out.
As for a devotional thought, I was reading in 1 Corinthians again today and came across the simple, well-known command "let no one seek their own good, but the good of their neighbor." I couldn't help but wondering how often I hear that and how infrequently I actually do it.
Lecture time.
As of right now, we've been overloaded with lots of information about what we will eventually have to do to complete the first year curriculum and my mother's encouragement to not try to "eat the elephant whole" comes to mind.
For those who are curious, yes, we have started our cadaver dissections and yes, it's weird but it's fascinating. I will say that I'm glad this particular class only lasts through the first semester. The body is interesting, but it's brute memorization and I'd much rather be trying to figure concepts out.
As for a devotional thought, I was reading in 1 Corinthians again today and came across the simple, well-known command "let no one seek their own good, but the good of their neighbor." I couldn't help but wondering how often I hear that and how infrequently I actually do it.
Lecture time.
12 August 2011
Entry Six
Two blogs in one day?! I know, I've gone nuts.
If you read my other blog much, you might've picked up on my liking for Oswald Chambers and his devotions in My Utmost for His Highest (a title, which by the way, I still find profoundly beautiful in and of itself). A quote from today's devo that I am chewing on:
"We have been talking quite a lot about sanctification, but what will be the result in our lives? It will be expressed in our lives as a peaceful resting in God, which means a total oneness with Him. And this oneness will make us not only blameless in His sight, but also a profound joy to Him."
Oneness with God... ONENESS with him. Do I really have to say anything more?
If you read my other blog much, you might've picked up on my liking for Oswald Chambers and his devotions in My Utmost for His Highest (a title, which by the way, I still find profoundly beautiful in and of itself). A quote from today's devo that I am chewing on:
"We have been talking quite a lot about sanctification, but what will be the result in our lives? It will be expressed in our lives as a peaceful resting in God, which means a total oneness with Him. And this oneness will make us not only blameless in His sight, but also a profound joy to Him."
Oneness with God... ONENESS with him. Do I really have to say anything more?
Entry Five
First I must say that I LOVE just writing "one" "two" "three" etc. etc. in the title box. Saves so much time trying to come up with titles for entries that are neither clever nor necessary.
Second, let's talk about med school. BLS training finished today. But I have to request that you not have cardiac arrest around me if you can help it. I can do it, but I don't actually have the desire to break any ribs.
Bought my books; set me back about $550, ouch. But thanks to the financial aid loan entrance interview we had on Monday, I now know that those books will actually end up costing me about $1000 by the time I pay it all back. Fun, huh? Finally, here's my schedule for classes day one on Monday:
10:00am Histology Course Intro
11:00am Histology Lecture One
12:00pm Lunch
1:00pm Gross Anatomy Lecture One
2:00pm Gross Anatomy Lab-Back Dissection
Classes from 10 to 4ish with an hour lunch not so bad right? I'll let you know after I figure out how much I'll have to study after that to actually know much about the topics discussed. And maybe by Friday I'll be nice and warmed up for the 8am-5pm schedule they have lined up for us :-)
All in all, it's gonna be rough, but I knew that getting into it. And right now, I'm just excited to get to it! Praying that feeling lasts through October at least, lol.
Second, let's talk about med school. BLS training finished today. But I have to request that you not have cardiac arrest around me if you can help it. I can do it, but I don't actually have the desire to break any ribs.
Bought my books; set me back about $550, ouch. But thanks to the financial aid loan entrance interview we had on Monday, I now know that those books will actually end up costing me about $1000 by the time I pay it all back. Fun, huh? Finally, here's my schedule for classes day one on Monday:
10:00am Histology Course Intro
11:00am Histology Lecture One
12:00pm Lunch
1:00pm Gross Anatomy Lecture One
2:00pm Gross Anatomy Lab-Back Dissection
Classes from 10 to 4ish with an hour lunch not so bad right? I'll let you know after I figure out how much I'll have to study after that to actually know much about the topics discussed. And maybe by Friday I'll be nice and warmed up for the 8am-5pm schedule they have lined up for us :-)
All in all, it's gonna be rough, but I knew that getting into it. And right now, I'm just excited to get to it! Praying that feeling lasts through October at least, lol.
10 August 2011
Entry Four
Tonight was my favorite event of orientation so far: the Belle of Louisville riverboat ride. It wasn't just fun, we had some incredible weather and had the most amazing sunset. The pictures don't quite do it justice, but they never do.
God is just an incredible artist! What a lovely night...
God is just an incredible artist! What a lovely night...
09 August 2011
Entry Three
First day of orientation, check. Financial aid talk (interest is rough!), check. Second day of orientation, check. First intubation lesson, check. Still gotta touch up paint, find a lawn care company, and get my office organized. Life as a med student is going to get crazy really fast, but so far its been... well it's too early to say its been anything, but I will say this: I think I'm going to like being a doctor more than I did wrangling 5th graders into learning something about science :-)
Seriously though, a couple of the med schools clubs arranged for us to be able to mess around with intubation, suturing, and splinting today and I think our "first year-ness" really came out. Way too excited and way too full of silly questions. I tried really hard to play it cool, but my mind was definitely full of "this is so awesome!" 's.
Other than that all I have to say for today is that God is awesome, faithful, incredible, worthy of praise and has put two incredible roommates into my life. He has blessed us with this beautiful home for the next 4 years and I can only believe that he's got plans for his glory and good in it all. More when something truly exciting happens.
Seriously though, a couple of the med schools clubs arranged for us to be able to mess around with intubation, suturing, and splinting today and I think our "first year-ness" really came out. Way too excited and way too full of silly questions. I tried really hard to play it cool, but my mind was definitely full of "this is so awesome!" 's.
Other than that all I have to say for today is that God is awesome, faithful, incredible, worthy of praise and has put two incredible roommates into my life. He has blessed us with this beautiful home for the next 4 years and I can only believe that he's got plans for his glory and good in it all. More when something truly exciting happens.
07 August 2011
Entry Two
4:00 in the morning and sleeping in the finished-out attic doesn't allow you to sleep through thunderstorms like living in the basement of my parents house did. But just as well, I usually love a good thunderstorm. I'm not a scary movie person AT ALL. I hate the things, hate being scared, hate the nasty images, all of it. But there is something so different about the kind of fear you can feel in a thunderstorm. The shear awesome power of it all is frightening and I can't help but imagine the holiness of God as I watch the bolts flashing relentlessly outside my window. I rarely sit and contemplate the holiness of God enough to cultivate that healthy "fear of the Lord" that is so frequently talked about in Scripture, but I'm sure it would be a lot easier if I had lots more thunderstorms in my life. What a terrifying thing it will be to stand before a Holy God one day and try to give an account for my blubbering, wicked self. Yet what an awesome testimony to the power of Christ's blood to think that it will allow me in all my frightened and pathetic state to stand in such a Holy Presence and worship, not to be thrown out but welcomed. It is indeed a mighty God we serve.
05 August 2011
Entry One
If you had been reading my blog on Honduras previous to this, you may already know where the title comes from. Keeping in the same line of thought and focus as the previous blog, I decided to name this one "The Journey of a Jar" after the passage in 2 Corinthians 4 posted at the top of the page. God's scripture is so beautiful but this passage specifically has held special meaning for me the past year. Through the difficulties of the Honduras adventure, God was teaching me that my one purpose in life is a treasure holder. A keeper of the Gospel. Because of the pricelessness of the treasure we hold, I constantly make the mistake of trying to be the most beautiful treasure holder I can possibly be. There are two reasons I do it: (1) I want to be worthy of the treasure I hold, and (2) I want to appear appealing to the world so that not only will I be accepted, but so that the treasure I hold will be accepted as well.
But the second side to that struggle, as I mentioned before, is trying to convince the world that the treasure is valuable, which is hard to do in a world that likes to only look at outward appearances. You see a plain jar, you automatically think it cannot contain anything of value and you move on. So I try to dress myself up with self-righteous speech and wholesome lifestyle, seeking social skills and catchy messages, with the outward appearance of a good person with an unoffensive air, attempting to make myself as acceptable to the world as possible that they might accept my treasure as well. But if this is the work that I give my life to: making the treasure look good by making myself look good, I miss the entire point of the life to which we are called. And I struggle with missing it day after day. The treasure is worthy by itself; if it is only accepted because the fanciness of the jar holding it, it is not really accepted in the way it is meant to be.
And there are a dozen other analogies I could draw, but that would make for a very long entry.
So to sum up: I am an unworthy jar, battling to be as unembellished as possible and okay with it, and in this blog you will find snippets of my journey.
Our purpose is to hold the treasure. That is what we were made for and called to just as we are. In God's beautiful design of using the weak to shame the strong and the foolish to shame the wise (1 Cor 2), he chose to use simple, unworthy vessels to hold his treasure. Plain, ordinary, maybe awkward, maybe ugly, maybe quirky, maybe rough around the edges, but definitely nothing without the treasure inside. The jar is worthy as it is because (and only because) the creator decided it was worthy and put his treasure inside. My constant battle is being jealous of the empty the vessels that all sparkle and shine, and remembering that it is what I hold, not how I appear that gives me my worth (and not physical appearance, but everything about me, personality, abilities, etc.). Furthermore, it is a struggle to remember that God has not required sparkle and shine from me. Even if I desire it for "good" reasons, thinking that the treasure I hold demands a better looking vessel for it, dressing myself up is an empty pursuit of trying to be worthy of holding a treasure that I will never have any right to hold.
But the second side to that struggle, as I mentioned before, is trying to convince the world that the treasure is valuable, which is hard to do in a world that likes to only look at outward appearances. You see a plain jar, you automatically think it cannot contain anything of value and you move on. So I try to dress myself up with self-righteous speech and wholesome lifestyle, seeking social skills and catchy messages, with the outward appearance of a good person with an unoffensive air, attempting to make myself as acceptable to the world as possible that they might accept my treasure as well. But if this is the work that I give my life to: making the treasure look good by making myself look good, I miss the entire point of the life to which we are called. And I struggle with missing it day after day. The treasure is worthy by itself; if it is only accepted because the fanciness of the jar holding it, it is not really accepted in the way it is meant to be.
And there are a dozen other analogies I could draw, but that would make for a very long entry.
So to sum up: I am an unworthy jar, battling to be as unembellished as possible and okay with it, and in this blog you will find snippets of my journey.
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