My biggest fear? Probably, reaching the end of my life and looking back without anything to show for the time I've spent on this lovely, suffering planet. For whatever reason, the past year has impressed upon me the shortness of our time here, which just makes me want to figure out this thing called "life" as fast as I possibly can so no time is wasted. But I am SO good at side-stepping. Good at focusing on the tasks at hand and not on the big picture. Good at not letting myself look too hard at the grand scheme, but live for feeling good at the end of the day.
Here's the real problem: I can distract myself forever with my endeavors in school and medicine without ever coming to terms with the fact there is no point to it all if it isn't glorifying God. I can pursue all the good grades and clinical skills I want, but if the Gospel isn't being spread then I'll still be stuck at the end looking back with nothing to show for my time and efforts. There is only one thing, one accomplishment, one goal that will stand eternally. And it is time to start learning to put more of my stock in it.
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ReplyDeleteYou know, fear is the flip side of desire. For example, if I fear rejection, it's because I desire acceptance.
So I would venture to say that, if you fear having nothing to show at the end of your life, it's because you have a bottom-line desire of accomplishment, or success, or something along those lines. It looks like, using different words, you've come to the conclusion that you need to desire not earthly accomplishment but eternal accomplishment.
But guard yourself against the lie you will be tempted to believe that it's up to YOU to be able to present a nice, shiny box of eternal accomplishments to God when your life is over. Christ's accomplishment is already credited to you. It is finished. So the pressure is off; let that free you to join him joyfully rather than being stressed that you have to do it. Med school has enough stress of its own.
Okay, so... I can totally agree with what you're saying. And I have been convicted a lot on that point knowing that my attitude is far too often that of a do-it-yourselfer. But much of my motivation for anything comes from the desire to accomplish and to feel accomplished. Trying to re-wire myself to be motivated by grace is something I feel like God is trying to work with me on.
ReplyDeleteBut here is my question for you in light of what you're saying: how do you respond to Matthew 25:14-30? Can I really just sit and do nothing until I'm sure I'm being motivated by grace and not my potentially self-centered desire to hear the words, "well done!" ?
Hmm, no, I'm not saying that you should wait until your motivation is only grace, because then you would never obey. We're never going to get to a place where we're motivated ONLY by grace in this life. We can't put the imperatives of Scripture on hold because of that.
ReplyDeleteI think what I'm saying is that you're already guaranteed to hear, "well done!" So the thing you deeply desire is already yours in Christ. And part of fighting the good fight of faith is fighting to believe that - preaching that truth to yourself, thus guarding yourself against believing the lies as I mentioned.
Honestly, I guess I even mentioned all of this because I've been seeing just how much the Gospel transforms the way I obey the imperatives of God's Word. So, for instance, I've noticed fears in myself that prevent me from obeying a lot. But now I'm realizing that the desires on the flip side of those fears - like the desire for others to think highly of me - is already mine in Christ! So when God's Word insists that I obey in areas that confront these fears, I get to preach the Gospel to myself in this way as I seek to obey.
I guess I am not convinced that the "well done" is a guarantee just because salvation is. I typically thought of that parable in Matthew as one encouraging us to be a good steward of the Gospel that God has entrusted to us, but perhaps that is wrong. Perhaps the "bag of gold" is better compared to the life/opportunities we are given, since the reward in the parable is eternal and the punishment is hell.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the passage in 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 definitely makes me think that a "well done" is not our guarantee. God-forgive me if I am wrong, but my faith is small and I am reluctant to believe it is that simple.
Ok, it sounds like I'm talking about something different than you are.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm really referring to the imputation of Christ's righteousness to us. So Christ's perfection and good work is credited to us. Done, accomplished.
But, the 1 Corinthians 3 passage does point out that even the works of Christians will be judged. So, while we are finally saved in the judgment, we will also experience discipline and/or reward on that day.
Now, Matthew 25 has someone going to hell, while 1 Corinthians 3 has even the one who is disciplined being saved. So we're dealing with slightly different things in those passages, but Matthew 25 does point again to the idea of eternal rewards for good works on the day of judgment. So I think I'm mixing up two different concepts in what I said earlier.
The whole idea of people getting more or less rewards in heaven kinda just confuses me, because isn't our supreme reward Christ himself? And it just SEEMS like the presence of discipline and lesser/greater rewards would also make for feelings of disappointment, regret, mourning over the way we spent our time on earth, jealousy, anger at ourselves, etc. But apparently those things don't exist in heaven... and I guess that's because the reward of Christ will outweigh whatever else happens.