Entry Twenty-Three

Humility... It's a lot harder than I've thought in the past.  Especially in a world of ladder-climbers and one-uppers, it is not easy to resist getting caught up in that competition (and especially for someone who, whether she will admit it or not, likes to compete).

I owe Christ my life.  It's as simple as that, but I make it so much more complicated.  Whether it's my free time, study time, good days, or hard days, I owe it all to the service of my Lord.  That's not an easy thing to keep in mind.  The crowds around me live for #1, and therefore, so do I.  It's so much more natural.  I've been doing it all my life.  I like orchestrating my life around me and around what's going to get me where I want to go.  But I've already got all that I need and more than I could ever want if I would just turn fully toward Christ.  There are other things I desire, but nothing that could compare.  So why am I trying to get anywhere else?  in life?  in a career?  If it isn't for other people, if it isn't for grace, if it isn't for the love of my God, then there is no point.

Why is it so hard to just be humble and obey?  Humility says that it doesn't matter where I end up on the ladder as long as I helped someone get higher.  Humility says that my time and grades and success isn't as important as yours.  And humility is only possible if you have a genuine understanding of who you are compared to God and compared to others.  Humility happens when you are forced to wear a sign on your forehead that says, "I NEEDED grace because I am only a failure without it."  Humility happens when you remember where you came from and where grace has brought you.  Humility happens when your identity is found in Christ, where you will always be the saved not the Savior.



     Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.  In Jesus' name, Amen.