Entry Thirty-Two

Phrases that I've heard all my life don't sound the way the should to me often times.  They don't have the same meaning or conjure up the thoughts that they would had I never heard them before.  For example...

I have been attending (and intend to become a member of) Sojourn Community Church here in Louisville.  One of the many things that I love about this church is that they take communion every week.  And every week when I rip off a piece of bread and dip it in the wine, two phrases are repeated to me, "the body of Christ broken for you" and "the blood of Christ shed for you."  Hearing those phrases every week as I take communion, I have been hearing only "here is God's gift to you."  Which is true and isn't a bad way of understanding the phrases.  But what I fail to do, is recognize the cost, the weight, the enormity of that gift.

"Here is God's gift to you" sounds sapless and trite in my ears.  It's true, but if that's all I hear when someone tells me, "this is the body of Christ broken for you" then something is wrong with my understanding.  But week after week at church, that's all I've heard.  Until yesterday.

Yesterday was different.  Yesterday reminded me of a challenge a pastor gave me one time, "approach the communion table as Mary Magdalene, as she would."  Yesterday the phrase, "the body of Christ broken for you" sounded more like an accusation then anything else.  Not in a condemning sort of way, but in a "take this gift and eat it, but realize the suffering that Christ endured to buy this for you" sort of way.  Feel the weight of it.  Taste the richness of the gift and realize the richness of it is found in the price that was paid and had to be paid in order to bring you here to receive it.

As I stood at the bread and wine and heard "the body of Christ broken for you" and "the blood of Christ shed for you" I wanted to scream... Yes! It was me!  It was I that sinned and I that challenged God himself.  It was I that offended the Holy One and brought judgement of the severest kind.  I am guilty.  It was me!  The body of Christ was broken for me, because of me, because of what I have done.  And this will only make sense to believers, but what I felt was a great sense of freedom.

Knowing that my sin was the reason Christ died says two things: one, that I am guilty as hell and two, that I have a God that will go to whatever length to save me.  Why would that understanding not bring freedom?  One: I'm guilty!  I know it!  I can confess it!  I can scream it at the top of my lungs without shame.  I am guilty!  I don't have to hide it or pretend I didn't do it, or cower in the corners afraid of rejection.  And two: God sees it, and he fixed it at great personal sacrifice.  My God will do whatever it takes to save me from my own sin!  His arm is not too short to save and his resolve not too weak to see his rescue through to the end!

I approach the communion table so many times, just thinking in my mind that I am stepping into the new covenant once again without really thinking about what that new covenant was purchased with... the body and blood of Christ, the suffering of Christ.